Just forget the words and sing along

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Had an infinitly frustrating day at school. My big goal was to finally finish producing my show's opening. But, no matter how hard I tried, it just wasn't coming out...cool enough. After I got some outside opinions, concensus was clear: my voice isn't right for it. It needs to be more agressive. So, tomorrow, I'm going to get our sportscaster guy to voice it.

I don't know. I hope this is a common problem among artists. You have this really cool idea in your head. You really want to make this. But then, when you sit down behind the mixing board or the drawing table or whatever, no matter how hard you try, it just doesn't come out cool enough. People looked at me weird when I announced that as my big goal in production class: I want the stuff I make to be as cool as I imagine it.

But, at least I got to watch some cool new trailers. I got to glimpse the ones for the next big CGI films coming out next year. My thoughts?

Robots - This is the latest from Chris Wedge, the man who gave us Ice Age. I thought Ice Age was kind of lame, but the trailer for Robots looked pretty good. The story? Young robot Rodney Copperbottom (voice of Ewan MacGregor) leaves his little country home and sets out to make a name for himself in the big city. And of course, it's in a world of robots. Robin Williams does the voice of the big city bot he hooks up with, and Halle Berry is the bot that Rodney falls in love with. We've also got Drew Carey and Mel Brooks doing voices. It's got some of the problems I've got with Shark Tale (the Halle Berry bot looks a lot like Halle Berry), but it actually looks very good. And, like Aladdin, I think Robin Williams is going to make this film. It hits theaters next spring.

Madagascar - This'll be the next from DreamWorks, those who did Shark Tale and the Shrek films. It's about a group of animals from the New York City Zoo who actually like their life in captivity. But, when some psychotic penguins wanting to be free unleash them in the wild, the animals are helpless. We've got Ben Stiller as a lion, David Schwimmer as a giraffe, Chris Rock as a zebra, and Jada Pinket Smith as a hippo. (Hmmm... I originally read that Madonna was doing to do this voice.) Anyway, looks a lot like Shark Tale, with that same sarcastic humour running through it. Very striking design to it, though. This'll be a cheap theatre selection.

And then I played more Pokemon. Oh my God. I finally ran into Latias tonight. For those who don't know, Latias is one of the legendary pokemon. She and her brother Latios were the stars of Pokemon 5. Anyway, when you finsih Pokemon: Sapphire Edition, Latias begins randomly appearing. And I finally bumped into her tonight. Hurled a pokeball, didn't catch her. But, I made a surprising discovery.

In the games, when you encounter a pokemon, that pokemon is added to your pokedex. After Latias left, I opened up my pokedex to see Latias, and guess what I discovered?

My pokedex now tracks Latias.

I can hunt her down and try to catch her whenever I want now! Woo hoo!

Next Issue...Latias!!

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Need more stuff to talk about on the show....

- Montreal moving to Washington. Baseball's the only sport I kinda, sorta follow
- The new $20 came out today.
- The frightening statistic that only 1% of women think they are beautiful

- Elaborate on yesterday's new DVD releases more. C'mon! The Big One, now on dvd! That's a good movie.

- Rant more about Conan going to the Tonight Show

Here's something good from Yahoo:

RIVERSIDE, Iowa - Riverside has been "punk'd" by William Shatner, aka "Star Trek" Capt. James T. Kirk, and Spike TV. Riverside considers itself the "future birthplace" of Capt. Kirk, commander of the starship USS Enterprise in the '60s "Star Trek" series. The town holds an annual TrekFest, which includes a parade with people dressed as "Star Trek" characters and public showings of the "Star Trek" episodes.

Shatner had been shooting scenes in Riverside for what he said was a low-budget, sci-fi movie titled, "Invasion Iowa."

On Tuesday night, he invited residents to view scenes that he'd been directing in and around town for a week.

Shatner thanked some 800 people who turned out for the gathering and then revealed the filming had been for a new reality show on Spike TV about a small town playing host to a Hollywood film shoot. The show is set to debut next year.

"Everything in front of and behind the cameras was faked," Shatner said. "The only thing that was real is the love we have for Riverside."

Spike TV said in a statement Wednesday that a crew of producers, writers and actors had spent more than a year planning the "carefully crafted" hoax.

"It's hard to imagine any undertaking more audacious, hair-raising and ultimately rewarding than what we just finished in Riverside," said producer Paul Wernick.

To soften the blow, Shatner announced that he and his co-producers were donating $100,000 to the city to be used for community projects. The cast and crew also passed the hat and collected $12,000 for the Riverside Elementary School Book Fund.

Mike Hanson, who had been hired as an extra, said he and his fellow actors had been suspicious about the project.

"It was too cheesy to be real," Hanson said after Shatner's announcement. "If it was really a movie, we'd be more scared of how bad it was."

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

La la la...doin' show prep:

It's Tuesday! New DVD day! What comes out today?

(O) STAR TREK: GENERATIONS (Paramount) Picard meets Kirk in this 1994 feature. Two-disc special edition includes commentrak, annotation track, featurettes, deleted scenes, storyboards and more.

(O) THE ALAMO (Buena Vista) Billy Bob Thornton and Dennis Quaid defend the famous fort from the Mexican army. Widescreen and fullscreen editions include Making-Of, history featurettes, deleted scenes and more.

(O) THE BIG ONE (Buena Vista) Before hunting even bigger game, Michael Moore tries to get any CEO to tell him why companies that make more money fire people.

O) CHILDREN OF THE CORN (Anchor Bay) This memorable but bad adaptation of a Stephen King story, which led to several worse sequels, is treated with ABE’s Divimax restoration to celebrate its 20th anniversary. Includes commentrak, retrospective, storyboards, script and more.

(O) CHRISTINE (Columbia TriStar)
John Carpenter adapts Stephen King's novel of wheeled terror, CHRISTINE.
Stephen King’s tale of a supernatural Plymouth Fury in a special edition that includes commentrak by director John Carpenter, featurettes, 20 deleted scenes, and more.

O) ELLEN Complete Season One (A&E) Ellen DeGeneres stars as a single book store owner who can’t seem to find the right man to settle down with. Includes commentrak.

Jim Carrey’s ex Kate Winslet can’t remember him. One of many amnesia movies released in the past couple years, just like….. um…. Widescreen and fullscreen editions include commentrak, Making-Of, interviews, music video and more.

O) SUPER SIZE ME (Hart Sharpe)
Excellent documentary tracks one man’s experiment in eating only McDonald’s food for one month while he examines nutrition in the USA. Include commentrak, interviews and deleted scenes.

O) WALKING TALL (MGM) The Rock stars in this remake of the ‘70s drive-in favorite about a rural lawmen who cleans up the area without using a gun. Includes two commentraks, featurettes, deleted scenes, bloopers, alternate endings and more.

BARBIE: THE PRINCESS & THE PAUPER (Lions Gate) Barbie sings (just like Jem!) in her first musical.

And I have to mention Richard Branson; one of the richest guys in the world, owner of Virgin Records, Virgin MegaStores, Virgin Airlines, pretty much anything with the Virgin name on it. Well, he's just formed a new company called Virgin Galactic, which'll be the first private space tourism company. Virgin's ships will be designed by Bert Rutan and based on Rutan's SpaceShipOne. You may remember SpaceShipOne's test flight back in the spring; it's one of the X-Prize hopefuls. Virgin Galactic hopes to send up its first 3000 space travellers within 5 years.

OK, this is a pure show-prep tidbit.

Things are heating up for the selection of the host city for the 2012 Olympics. The IOC is visiting Madrid, Spain today to hear their pitch. British Prime Minister Tony Blair has just said that his government is wholly committed to bringing the games to London.

All the cities in competition are Madrid, London, New York, Paris, and Moscow. The decision will be announed in Singapore in July.

Next Issue...Gotta Do a Show
Spaceballs 2, baby!

In a recent interview, Mel Brooks revealed that he's hard at work writing a script for Spaceballs 2. He says that making the first Spaceballs was one of the best experiences he ever had making a movie, and if he's ever going to do a sequel, he should do it now, while he's still young enough to play Yohgurt. When asked when the movie will come out, Brooks said, "Best case scenario: a week before the new Star Wars. Worst case scenario: a year after the new Star Wars.

Next Issue...May the Schwartz Be With You

Monday, September 27, 2004

Tonight's favourite movie knock-off:

So I was watching the season premiere of Smallville. Clark Kent's been gone for months, and he returned, all re-programed into Mr. Ultimate Kryptonian Warrior. Because he's been all reprogrammed, he now has the one superpower they've been avoiding in the show: flight. So, when we see Clark take off for the first time, what FX shot do they rip off?

Remember the flight effects in The Matrix Reloaded? How the ground would ripple beneath Neo's feet, and it would go into bullet-time and the camera would pan around him before he took off like a shot? Well, they used that shot, almost exactly, to show Clark Kent taking flight.

And the big news of the night: on the fiftieth anniversary episode of The Tonight Show, Jay Leno announced that he'll be calling it quits in 5 years. And he already named his successor: Conan O'Brien. Leno said that he's announcing all this now to try to avoid the nastiness he went through with David Letterman when Johnny Carson couldn't choose a successor.

Next Issue...Relicanth

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Wow. No one's read my column for 10 days. That's...disheartening. Here's another one you won't read, Letting Go With Galileo:

"I’m sure the last thing you want to read is another rambling tale of an ancient physicist. In fact, I know you don’t want to read it. Just turn the page. I’m sure there’s some particularly filthy Grape Vines this week. But, what can I say? Mr. Editor Guy, Collin Perilo, he’s waiting for it. In our last meeting, he said to me, “Ever since you ended that first one with ‘Next week: the story of Galileo,’ I’ve been waiting for the story of Galileo! WRITE IT ALREADY!” Now, here I am, trying to track down a NAITSA exec so I can write a piece on how well Shinerama Day did, desperately trying to get my contractually-obligated three articles together. And since the good Mr. Perilo signs my paychecks, I should be more worried about impressing him rather than (name deleted to protect her identity). Therefore, welcome to the story of Galileo."

Ignore it by not clicking here

next Issue...Belly Drum
God, sometimes I really wonder why I call myself a geek.

I've never really delved into the "Which is better: Star Trek or Star Wars?" debate. I love both. I enjoy both. Many of my friends enjoy both. I figured that they happily co-exist to a lot of geeks.

But then....

I was surfing at TrekWeb, one of my favourite Star Trek websites, and I curiously poked my nose in at one of the hottest debates in their message board right now.

This debate all started when some Trekkie noticed this statistic: The Star Wars Trilogy DVD boxed set sold more copies in its first day than Star Trek Nemesis has in the entire year and a few months it's been available. This Trekkie then goes on to ask, quite seriously, "How does a 30-year old movie made by some tiny independent production company manage to sell more than the newest, best Star Trek movie, which has a worldwide conglomerate behind it?" He then proceeded to berate Star Trek fans for allowing this affront to Star Trek to happen.

And things just went downhill from there.

I...I...really don't know what to say to that.

Moving on, I've been noticing some rather pointless changes in The Star Wars Trilogy on DVD. Single lines have been changed, and I've only noticed because the new lines are very poorly dubbed in.

The first change I noticed was in The Empire Strikes Back. I was just skipping through the film trying to hear Boba Fett's new voice. It's the scene right after when Han Solo gets frozen in carbonite. As they begin to reset the freezing chamber, an imperial soldier walks up to Darth Vader to notify Vader that Luke is coming to Bespin. In the original and special edition, the soldier says....

"We've detected a ship on sensors. X-Wing class."

In the new DVD edition....

"Skywalker's landed, sir."

The second change was in A New Hope. Yes, I finally got to watch the whole thing after the company left today. This is the infamous cantina scene, in which Luke is accosted by Ponda Baba and Dr. Evizan, only to have Obi-Wan break it up by hacking off Ponda Baba's arm. In the original and special edition, Dr. Evizan taunts Luke with this:

"He doesn't like your face. I don't like your face."

New DVD edition:

"He doesn't like you. I don't like you."

As I said, I wouldn't have noticed these changes if it weren't for the fact that these new lines are poorly dubbed in. It's like it lapses into a Godzilla movie for a brief second.

It's just a change that strikes me as odd. I'll have to check some Star Wars sites and see who else has noticed this.

Next Issue...Babylon 5 Sucks!

Saturday, September 25, 2004


I'm never gonna get to watch Star Wars!

My plans to do it this Saturday were shattered back on Thursday, when my parents finally revealed to me that they've volunteered to host a family reunion for a distant cousin at our house today. Naturally, I've been drafted to help out.

Ya know, the most frustrating thing about living at home is the automatic assumption that I know what's going on. "What? What do you mean you need the car today? What do you mean this has been planned for months? How am I going to get to work?" is something I said far too often over the summer.

I think it's time to get an RF converter from Radio Shack, dig out my old TV/VCR combo from my dorm days, and hook up my DVD player to my that. Only thing is I have no idea where I'd set it up. That, and the VCR in that combo has developed quite a taste for video tapes and tends to eat every tape I put in it.

Oh, well. Here's a show-prep worthy news bit:

Martha Stewart has made one big business deal before being shipped off to prison. She's signed a deal with Mark Burnett, the reality TV guru who created Survivor and The Apprentice. No word yet on what a Martha Stewart reality show will entail, but some are predicting that it'll have to with Stewart's reputation as being a perfectionist. I'm holding out for Martha and her Bitches: Life in the Big House for Girls.

Next Issue...Serve the Hamburgers

Friday, September 24, 2004

Today's favourite out-of-context quote:

"The fun thing about C-3P0 is he has no soul." - George Lucas, in the Star Wars DVD featurette The Characters of Star Wars.

Today's favoutie inspirational quote:

"You can be a geek and still kick someone's ass." - Blade writer/director David Goyer, responding to a reporter's comments that Goyer's tatoos "don't fit the geek image."

Next Issue...The News

Thursday, September 23, 2004

$115 Million.

That's how much money Star Wars made in its first day of DVD sales.

To be fair, that also includes sales of the video game Star Wars Battlefront, but we're all pretty sure that most of that is for the DVD.

Season premiere of CSI tonight. They have to solve a murder that takes place at a UFO convention outside of Area 51.

The big movie coming out this weekend is The Forgotten. TV ads have been running pretty steady for the past month. It's like this. Julianne Moore loses her 8-year old son in a tragic accident. But, her therapist starts to tell her that she never had a son. She talks to other patients of this shrink, and soon she's embroiled in a paranormal conspiracy that erases people from existence.

Or, you can just see Sky Captain again. I'm dying to see that movie!

Along similar lines, although not forsaking any underscore, in this film, Epic/Sony Music Soundtrax have announced plans to Michael Moore's Songs And Artists That Inspired FAHRENHEIT 9/11. The CD will feature 12 "anthems for our time" and two "new originals for these times," with a portion of the CD sales benefiting the Fallen Patriot Fund. "Though the songs on this album aren't 'mine,' I feel them in me, and they urge me on to do the work we all need to do. I hope they have the same effect on you," said Moore. The CD is described as a songbook of stirring classics about patriotism, freedom, war and hope by Little Steven, Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, System Of A Down, Pearl Jam, Dixie Chicks, John Fogerty, The Clash, Steve Earle, Black Eyed Peas featuring Justin Timberlake, Nanci Griffith and Jeff Buckley, along with new songs by former Rage Against The Machine front man, Zack de la Rocha, and The Nightwatchman (Audioslave's Tom Morello). The Epic/Sony Music Soundtrax release will be in stores on October 5, along with the Fahrenheit 9/11 DVD. Everything on the record was selected by Michael Moore based on the songs and the artists that he listened to as he created his documentary.

Fantastic Four movie:

Jessica Alba, 23, star of TV's Dark Angel, is Sue Storm, also known as the Invisible Woman, who has a romance with Reed.

• Welshman Ioan Gruffudd, 30, goes from Lancelot in King Arthur to scientist Reed Richards, whose Mr. Fantastic has the ability to stretch.

• Chris Evans, 23, currently seen in Cellular, is Sue's bro Johnny, a cocky pilot who turns up the heat as the Human Torch.

• The most recognizable face is also the most covered. Veteran actor Michael Chiklis, 41, of TV's The Shield, will grumble his way through the role of Ben Grimm, aka the Thing, a boulder-bodied mound of power whose battle cry is "It's clobberin' time!"

Sorry, folks. I'm doing my show shift in 25 minutes. This is pure show prep.

Next Issue...Fun and Fancy Free.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Here's a last-minute bit of show prep. Noticed this online, thought it'd be cool.

On November 21, the Nintendo DS will hit store shelves. This is Nintendo's next generation of hand-held game systems. What makes this unique is it has two screens. It flips open, like the current Game Boy Advance SP, and the second screen rests between the control pad and the A and B buttons. This second screen is a lot like the screen on a PDA, meaning you select things by pointing at them with a special pen. It includes stereo sound and wireless multiplay.

Oh, and it'll be backwards compatable with all your old Game Boy Advance and Game Boy games.

What's really notable is that this is the first time a new video game system comes out in North America BEFORE it comes out in Japan. It hits Japanese shelves on December 2.

And now, I must do a radio show.

Next Issue...Why Aren't You Listening?
I'm at school right now.

You know how tempting it is to blow off today, go home, and watch Star Wars?

Very tempting.

I was this close to bringing my laptop with DVD-ROM and watching the films in class. But I figured that would, you know, upset people.

Misc. news:

- Veteran TV actor Dennis Farina is the new cop on Law & Order.
- Looks like Sarah Michelle Gellar will be playing Sabrina the Teenage Witch. She'll be darn near 30 when cameras start rolling.

Next Issue...STAR WARS!

Tuesday, September 21, 2004


I'm working the Sports Desk at NR92 today. I do a sportscast every hour. It takes half-an-hour to make a sportscast and five minutes to read it. That means I've got 25 minutes per hour to kill.

At first, I thought I'd be able to use that time to work on production stuff. But, I'm the kind of guy where, once he gets started on doing something creative, he's got to finish. I can't just give it up after 10 minutes and go back to my real job.

And I'm all caught up on my homework.

So, I'm stuck with nothing to do for 25 minutes every hour.

I really, REALLY wish I could go buy Star Wars and go home and watch it.


Next Issue...The Amazing Adventures of Sports Boy

Monday, September 20, 2004

Well, I've committed to my Halloween costume. Went to Value Village today to see if they had their Halloween stuff out yet, and I walked out with the first component of my costume: the top hat. Actually, it's the second component. When I got home this evening, I tore apart my closet looking for the first component: my bow tie. My God, I can't believe I'm finally doing this. It's gonna rock, just you watch.

Here's some interesting news. Even though it comes out tomorrow, some are starting to speculate that there might be a recall of the Star Wars Trilogy DVD. As people watch Star Wars over and over and over, they notice these errors in the soundtrack:

- When the X-Wings go off to battle the Death Star, the sound effects are so loud it drowns out the score.

- During Tarkin's line "Then perhaps you can suggest a more appropriate target? A military target?" the levels on his voice are all messed up.

And the big error

- In the musical score, the rear channels are reversed. Everything that should come out the right speaker comes out the left speaker, and vice-versa. And this is only in the musical score.

So, some are starting to speculate that Lucasfilm may order a recall to correct this problem. But still, others say this only becomes noticable if you have a kick-ass home theatre.

Did I mention how I play Pokemon now? It's all about the capturing. When I was playing to win, I was very picky about which ones I'd capture. Now that I have won, I grab just whatever I can if I don't have it. "Merril? Never got it. let's get it!"

Thing is, though, now I have more than 50 pokemon, and they're all stored on my computer. Here's what I want in a pokemon game. I want the ability to be able to buy a parcel of land, where I can let all my pokemon out of their computer and they can all frolick. And I can occasionally return to my land and hang out with all my pokemon.

Yes, I want the ability to run a pokemon ranch.

Although, one of the coolest parts of my edition is the ability to create a secret base. You can either a) dig a cave b) build a treehouse or c) open up a really thick area of long grass. And then, you can turn this into a secret base, and you can buy stuff to furnish your base.

I want a secret base. In real life. That would be cool. Someday, when I'm rich and famous, I'll buy an old warehouse in the industrial section of town and turn it into a secret base. And you're all invited to come hang.

Next Issue...Welcome to my Underground Lair

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Wow! Have I really let it go this long without an update? Anyway, first things first. This week's column, Tin Man's Lament:

"When I was younger, splitting wood was one of those chores I tried to avoid not because I was lazy, but because I was scared. I always had visions of missing the log, the axe flying out of control, and I’d end up driving the axe into my shin. Thus, whenever I got the nerve to attempt splitting wood, I’d raise the axe above my head, and bring it down with a small fraction of my strength. Normally, I’d be lucky to drive the axe a quarter of the way through the wood. But that was then. This is now. I placed a log on the chopping block, raised the axe above my head, and brought it down with all my might. Two pieces of firewood went flying in opposite directions as the axe sank into the chopping block with a satisfying thud. Physical activity always helps me think. "

Click here to read it all!

Managed to catch Justice League Unlimited back on Friday. I really like my Justice League. Last Friday's episode was called For the Man Who Has Everything, and was based on a story by comic book legen Alan Moore. It was like this. Batman and Wonder Woman are off to the Fortress of Solitude to drop off their birthday presents for Superman. But, when they get there, they find that Superman is in a catatonic state, victim of a gift from alien warlord Mongul. So, while Wonder Woman goes about beating the crap out of Mongul, Batman tries to free Superman.

So, what does this plant do? It traps you in your utopia. Superman was trapped in a dream world in which Krypton never blew up, and he was happily married on Krypton where he made a living as a humble farmer. His wife was a hell of a lot like Lois Lane, and he even had a kid. So, of course, when Batman got Superman out of this, Superman was very, very pissed.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. There's something very cool about seeing Superman getting blinded by anger and just launching into a berzerker rage.

Speaking of Superman, have you heard this? Monty Python alum John Cleese is writing a Superman graphic novel! This John Cleese graphic novel is called Superman: True Brit. This asks the humble question, "What if Superman's spaceship landed in the UK and Superman was raised by British farmers?" In this Elseworld, "Colin Kent" is a reporter for a sleezy British tabloid, and poor ol' Superman is relentlessly hounded by said tabloids.

It's somewhat similar to the series of Superman graphic novels entitled Superman: Red Son. This asks the question, "What if Superman's spaceship landed in the Communist Soviet Union, during the time of Stalin's rule?" So yeah. This one features Superman spreading communism across the globe and is eventually named Stalin's successor.

And I'm continuing my Pokemon journey in Pokemon: Sapphire Edition. It's all about capturing now. I used to be somewhat picky about which pokemon I captured and which I didn't, but now that I'm the champion, I just catch them all. I"m getting so many now....

And I'm ready to make a run for the Regi. I may have let the mythical dragon pokemon Rayquazza slip through my fingers, but I can still catch three mythcial pokemon called the Regi. I have to catch two specific pokemon, head to an undersea cave, and that'll unlock three ruins. Then, I go to each of these ruins where I can catch Regi-Rock, Regi-Ice, and Regi-Steel. And this time, I'll do what I should have done with Rayquazza. At the point where I'm about to battle, I'll SAVE THE DARN GAME! And then, if I fail in capturing the Regi, I'll just turn of my GAme Boy, start it back up, restore my game, and do it all over again.

Next Issue...Showtime!

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Got some morning movie news tidbits for you:

Batman Begins - The composers have been announced. Yes, I love my film scores, superhero themes specifically, so I was wondering if Danny Elfman would be having another go with the Bat. But no. The latest Batman score will mark the first collaberation between Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard. Zimmer did The Rock, Armageddon, Crimson Tide and won an Oscar for The Lion King. Howard has done M. Night Shamylan's films, Dances With Wolves, The Fugitive, Space Jam, Treasure Planet and lots more.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Speaking of Elfman, he is naturally doing the score for Tim Burton's next film; the remake of the Roald Dahl classic. And, in a recent interview, Elfman revealed that not only is he doing the score, he is also doing the voices of the Oompa Loompas.

Alvin and the Chipmunks - Oh, God. They're doing a live-action movie version. Alvin, Simon, and Theodore are going to be CGI, and the humans will be humans. It's being made by 20th Century Fox, who made the live-action/CGI movie version of Garfield.

Did I mention my sister, one of the world's biggest Garfield fans, hated Garfield: The Movie? Well, she does.

Next Issue...Enter the Producer!

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

School's back in. Feeling really busy right now. Which is OK. After a few weeks, once the routine is established, I'm sure it'll be just fine. Anyway, some movie news bits I've gotta share:

- The Canadian hit Trailer Park Boys is heading for the big screen. Ivan Reitman, the man responsible for such comedic hits as Ghostbusters, Twins and Junior will be producing. I'm not a big fan of Trailer Park Boys. It's so much like life in Entwistle that I see how sad it really is.

- Paramount Pictures just picked up the movie rights to Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Now this I'm curious about. Archie Comics originally created the character back in the 1960s and had some success. Then, Sabrina kind of faded away until the 1990s, when it was turned into a sitcom. Then, Archie re-made and re-launched the comic to be more like the sitcom. So then, will this movie be a roundabout movie version of the sitcom? Time will tell.

And the big news:

The movie version of The Dukes of Hazzard is coming!

Teen star Sean William Scott, who was in the American Pie movies, will be Bo. Johnny Knoxville, who was MTV's Jackass, will be playing Luke. And the big announcement today was that pop singer and reality TV star Jessica Simpson will be Daisy. Jay Chanderhasker, director of those "Broken Lizard" movies, is directing.

What's with all the comedy actors? Well, yes, just like the movie version of Starsky and Hutch, this is going to be a big self-parody.

Next Issue...School's In

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Latest column's up! This week's is Welcome to the Conformity Factory:

"My favourite book is 1984, so that right there should tell you a lot about me. If you’ve never read it, it follows the adventures of Winston Smith as he lives under the thumb of an oppressive regime. One of the key locales in the book is the Ministry of Love. This is the government agency that catches dissidents, tortures them to within an inch of their lives, and just generally beats them into submission. The whole goal of this is to make a person a happy, uncreative, unthinking worker drone in society. They strive to make everyone look the same, act the same, and think the same.

Sounds kinda like school, doesn’t it?"

Read it all here!

You may notice it's a hell of a lot shorter than most of my other columns. That's mainly because I'm writing now writing for The Nugget, NAIT's Student Newspaper, and complaint #1 from Nugget staff and NAIT students is "Too long." (And too many big words and it makes them think.) So, I'm going to try to start making them shorter so they'll be more "print friendly." And also, so they fit in more with the NAIT crowd, more crude language and dick and fart jokes. Hey, if it works for Kevin Smith....

So, yeah. I'm news editor for the Nugget, which means I'm the only real reporter. They want three news stories from me a week, but I figure I'll submit two stories and my column. I had a little panic attack when I got the job, but after conferring with my news instructor, she helped me realize that, given the Nugget's target audience, this is not a job I do not have to knock myself out doing.

Did I mention that I watched the series premiere of Justice League Unlimited back on Friday? The new Justice League is going to rock! The first episode was a real geek-out affair, as we saw the new Watchtower, the new fleet of Javalins, and, at long last, Green Arrow. Not a big fan of the new electric-guitar heavy score, though. Sounds like contemporary early-90s cartoons.

Next Issue...Battles with Editor
So, I finally watched Jersey Girl. Yes, I bought the DVD as soon as it came out back on Tuesday, but I finally got a chance to watch it tonight. And you know what?

It's actually pretty good.

Granted, it's not revolutionary filmmaking. It's a variation on a story you've seen about 10 times before: single father struggling to balance between family and job. But, Kevin Smith's trademark dialogue is in tact, and it really helps make the film sing.

Oh, and let me just say that it looks absolutly amazing for a Kevin Smith film! I mean, it's the first one that actually looks like a movie. And the cameos! Yes, I knew about the Jason Lee and Matt Damon cameos, but I didn't know about Will Smith.

So, final verdict. It's not Kevin Smith's best film. That honour still goes to Chasing Amy. But, it's not as bad as all the negative "Bennifer" hype led you to believe.

Now, if I could just find a copy of Clerks X. None of my usual DVD haunts have it!

And I also finally picked up the graphic novel JLA: Secret Origins by Paul Dini and Alex Ross. That is just a total geek-out comic. Firstly, it's about twice the physical size of a comic book. A regular is what, 8.5"x11"? So that would mean this is about 17"x22". And, the entire book is nothing by 2 page spreads, and in each spread, the origin of a different DC Universe heavy hitter is detailed: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Flash, Green Lantern, Aquaman, Green Arrow and so on. It's just so beautiful. And even my mother likes it!

Next Issue...Going Bald from Stress

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Oh, just found out a few more changes to The Star Wars Trilogy:

The Empire Strikes Back - Temeura Morrison (Jango Fett in Attack of the Clones) now does Boba Fett's voice.

Return of the Jedi - Naboo has been added to the ending celebration montage.

Next Issue...My Life: Special Edition

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Before going to bed, I've gots to share this. As we all know, the Star Wars Trilogy finally hits DVD in two weeks, and George Lucas has special editioned it again! And yes, he has once again tinkered with the Han Solo/Greedo shoot-out. Quick recap:

Original edition - Greedo comes to take Han to Jabba the Hutt to collect the bounty. Han blows away Greedo and calmly walks out of the bar.

Special edition - Greedo come to take Han to Jabba the Hutt to collect the bounty. Since Jabba will pay if Han's dead or alive, Greedo shoots first. Han shoots back, blows away Greedo and calmly walks out of the bar.

New DVD Edition - Greedo comes to take Han to Jabba the Hutt to collect the bounty. Since Jabba will pay if Han's dead or alive, Greedo draws his gun. Greedo and Han shoot at each other AT THE SAME TIME. Han blows away Greedo and calmly walks out of the bar.

But that's not all! Here's a quick list of the other changes:

A New Hope - Using the latest computer animation software, ILM whipped up CGI Jabba v2.0.

The Empire Strikes Back - Ian McDirmand now plays the Emperor in the Emperor's brief cameo. Originally, the Emperor was a photo-composite of a chimp and George Lucas's secretary, with voice actor Clive Revill doing the voice.

Return of the Jedi - In the most controversial change to the DVDs, Hayden Christensen now plays the Spirit of Anakin Skywalker at the very end. I forget the name of the original actor.

Next Issue...Super Duper Special Ultimate Edition
Oh! Happy Star Trek day!

Before charging off to school, I've got quite a bit of news concerning Playboy Magazine that I just have to share.

First up, MTV has just greenlit the pilot for a cartoon called Hef's Superbunnies. The brainchild of Hugh Hefner and comic books Godfather Stan Lee, Hef's Superbunnies follows the exploits of a superpowered Hugh Hefner as he leads a team of superpowered Playboy bunnies in the never-ending battle against evil. It's from the same creative team that brought us that Pamela Anderson cartoon, Striperella, so expect lots of animated jiggling boobs and sexual innuendo.

Secondly, the October issue of Playboy will be the first one ever to depict video game characters in various states of undress! In a pictorial entited "Gaming Grows Up," expect to see nude photos of characters from BloodRayne, Darkwatch, Rumble Roses, the latest Mortal Kombat, Dead or Alive: Ultimate, and, of course, the upcoming Playboy video game Playboy: The Mansion. The honor of centerfold goes to Luba Licious, one of the computer animated babes from the latest Leisure Suit Larry game. And yes, all these pictures are 100% computer generated.

Of course, the big news for me in this article was that they've done another Leisure Suit Larry game, so naturally I had to do some research. The first Larry game in about 8 years, Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude brings the teen sex comedy genre to PlayStation 2, XBox and the PC. This new Larry is the college-aged nephew of the original Larry. The plot of the game is simple enough. Go around the campus, get drunk, hit on incredibly hot and unrealisticly proportioned CGI college girls, and get laid.

Is it wrong to say I'm excited about this? When I first got into computer games in junior high, there was this mystique around the Leisure Suit Larry games. When I bought my first computer, the first game I bought for myself was Leisure Suit Larry 5, which I fished out of a discount bin. So, yeah. My inner junior high kid wants the latest Leisure Suit Larry for Christmas

Next Issue...School Days!

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Well, I'm getting ready to charge off to my first day of school - my 19th first day of school, by my calculations - and I just had to take a moment to post this.

Michael Moore has taken Fahrenheit 9/11 out of the running for Best Documentary at this year's Oscars.

Moore says he's doing this because he still wants as many people as possible to see the film. To acheive that goal, he's really, really hoping to get the film shown on TV sometime between now and the election. But, there's this rule in the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences saying that, if a documentary is shown on TV within 9 months of its theatrical release, it's ineligiable to compete for Best Documentary. So, Moore said, "If that's the only thing holding me back, then OK. We won't run for Best Documentary."

Plus, pointed out Moore, this has been the most publicized documentary of the year. And it's been such a great year for documentaries (Super Size Me, Control Room, The Corporation, etc), that he figures it's best if he steps aside and lets one of these lesser known, but just as good, documentaries win the prize.

But Moore assures us that the film is still in the running for all Oscars it's elligible for, including Best Picture.

So, naturally, the anti-Moore sites are now accusing Moore of throwing his ego around by putting the film in the running for Best Picture, plus they're already accusing the Weinstein Brothers of buying Moore the Best Picture Oscar, because the Weinsteins have bought every Oscar that Miramax has ever won, according to the anti-Moore sites.

Don't forget, the film hits DVD on October 5.

Next Issue...The Return

Monday, September 06, 2004

Something happened to me tonight that really made my day.

See, one of my little side projects at school this semester is getting a little cross-promotion action going with The Nugget, NAIT's student paper. So, I hatched this plot. I got my very good friend Kenten Bowick to draw a few comic strips telling people how to listen to NR92. I ran this idea by Kenten when he was visiting a month ago and he said, "Cool. You write 'em, I'll draw 'em."

Well, today, Kenten sent me the first two. And my I say I FUCKING LOVE THEM!! Kenten, you truly are a god! This is making me more excited to see what Under the Bed will be like when it's done!

Once again, thank you Kenten! I wish I had a really, really nice present to give you....

Next Issue...Clicky Clicky Yeah!
Latest column, folks! This week, it's a Stream of Consciousness:

"Man, I hate when time gets away from me. It’s 11:30 PM on Sunday night, and I’ve just got no column to post. So, I’m just going to throw together something right now, real quick like, mainly because I don’t like seeing gaps in my library. Columns written under these circumstances tend to be quick, dirty, and not very good. Wow. With a set-up like that, how can you not want to read? Don’t worry, they tend to be short, too. Anyway, let’s get on with it. And I promise that next week I’ll have something nice and angst-ridden about my first week back at school."

As always, read it all here!

next issue...Labour Daze

Saturday, September 04, 2004

Tonight, I accomplished one of greatest goals in Pokemon: Sapphire Edition.

I captured Pikachu.

Actuallly, I captured two pikachus.

Here's the whole story. In Pokemon: Sapphire Edition there's a place called the Safari Zone. You pay your 500 bucks entrance fee, you're given 30 special "Safari Pokeballs" and a limited amount of time to catch as many as you can. Rules are different in the Safari Zone, too. You don't capture a pokemon by battling it into submission. You sneak up on it, offer it candy, and when you've lowered its defences, you toss a Safari Pokeball. Now, the Safari Zone boasts "rare pokemon," ie pokemon from the earlier games. It was where I caught Psyduck, and I always suspected it's where Pikachu resided in Pokemon Sapphire.

So, I was playing around earlier today and managed to catch another rare pokemon I always wanted: Wobbafett. After I captured him, I had my first encounter with a wild pikachu. This wild pikachu ignored all the candy I offered it and fled the first time I hurled a pokeball. After wandering around in the Hoenn region, doing a few battles and getting a few more dollars, I made up some more candy (actually called pokeblocks in the game) and headed off to the Safari Zone with one goal in mind: catch Pikachu.

I went back to where I first encountered Pikachu, and it wasn't too long before another pikachu came bounding along. This time, I hatched my plan. I offered him a yellow pokeblock. He liked it! I snuck up closer to him. I offered him a purple pokeblock. He liked it. I snuck up closer to him. I hurled my Safari Pokeball...and caught him! Yes yes yes!

Time wasn't up yet, so I kept wandering throughout the Safari Zone. And lo and behold, I came across another wild pikachu! I had already caught one, and I was feeling cocky, so I thought, "I'm not going to sneak up on him or offer him any candy or anything. I'm just gonna huck a pokeball at him." I did and...lo and behold, I caught a second pikachu.

This was when my time was up and I was booted from the Safari Zone.

Now, the question sank in. What the hell was I going to do with two pikachus? And then, it occured to me. I remembered from the cartoon that pikachus don't evolve when they get a certian number of experience points like most other pokemont. Pikachus only evolve when they come into contact with a Thunder Stone. I started thinking, "Wait a minute, don't I have a Thunder Stone?" I checked my PC and yup, I had a Thunder Stone. I knew exactly what to do!

I used the Thunder Stone on pikachu #2 and got me a Raichu.

So I now have a pikachu and a raichu. I rock!

And now, my challenge continues. Apparently, now that I'm the champion, Latias has been unlocked and is roaming free throughout the game. My goal now: capture Latias!

Next Issue...Off to Kanto!

Friday, September 03, 2004

Double no!

The 2-disc special edition of Star Trek Gernerations has also been delayed! It was originally going to come out Tuesday. Now, it's going to come out...later. Why? There's a typo on the packaging!

Short story long: Originally, the set was going to have the trailers. But, due to some legality, Paramount couldn't put the trailers on the disc. The packaging, however, was already printed up listing the trailers as among the bonus features. Originally, they were going to just say "Screw it," and release the disc as-is, but now they've decided to recall the DVD and take some white-out to all the packaging.

Damn you, Paramount!

And today's movie news tidbit: George Lucas himself is going to write Indiana Jones 4. You may remember earlier this year that Frank Darabont was writing a screenplay based on Lucas's outline, but Lucas declared Darabont's script to be complete crap. So, look for Lucas to do to Indy 4 the same stellar job he did with Episode I.

Next Issue...The Sword of Arthur.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004


I just found out that Warner Brothers has once again pushed back the release of my long-awaited 2-disc The Iron Giant: Special Edition. It was going to come out on Tuesday. Now it's coming out on November 16.

On behalf of Iron Giant fans the world over, I'd like to say this.

Quit fucking with us, Warner Brothers!

next Issue...The Uprising